Most parents and grandparents have said it;
“I’ve told you a thousand times.”
Wash your hands.
Make your bed.
Pick up your clothes.
Wash your plate.
Lift the toilet seat.
At first, we instruct.
Then we remind.
Then we repeat.
Eventually, frustration creeps in.
But why?
The Real Question
Most parenting advice focuses on children.
Why don’t they listen?
Why don’t they remember?
Why don’t they follow instructions?
But perhaps there is another question worth asking;
Why do we react the way we do?
A Thought During My Morning Walk
This morning, while walking, I found myself thinking about my grandchildren.
Before leaving the house, I had taken away their gadgets and instructed them to make their beds.
As I walked, a thought crossed my mind;
“If those beds aren’t made when I get home, I’m going to be annoyed and probably shout.”
But then another thought arrived;
“Why not have a conversation instead?”
That simple question stopped me in my tracks.
What Happens Inside Us?
When a child ignores instructions, many of us interpret it personally.
We think:
“They don’t respect me.”
“They aren’t listening.”
“They should know this by now.”
What often follows is irritation.
Not because of the unkempt bed.
Not because of the unwashed plate.
Not because of the wet toilet seat.
Because our expectations collided with reality.
The Difference Between Knowing and Learning
As adults, we forget how many repetitions it took for us to learn simple habits.
Children are not miniature adults.
They are learning.
Testing.
Forgetting.
Being distracted.
Learning again.
Many things we regard as obvious are still under construction in their minds.
What Happens When We Show Irritation, Annoyance, or Yell?
When we shout, the message often gets lost.
The child remembers the emotion.
The tone.
The fear.
The embarrassment.
Sometimes they miss the lesson entirely.
A conversation may take longer.
It requires more patience.
But it often teaches more.
The Parent’s Real Challenge
Perhaps parenting is not only about teaching children.
Perhaps it is also about mastering ourselves.
The challenge is not;
“How do I get them to listen?”
The challenge may be:
“How do I remain calm when they don’t?”
Today’s Thought:
The Bible encourages us to be patient, mild-tempered, and slow to anger.
That sounds simple until someone ignores something we’ve repeated for the hundredth time.
Yet perhaps the greatest lessons our children learn are not from our instructions.
Perhaps they learn them from our example.
Sometimes the most important conversation is not the one we have with our children.
It is the one we have with ourselves before we speak.
If you’d like to share your thoughts, you’re welcome to reach me directly at books@eugenemarillier.com
I also publish reflective essays and ongoing writing at: www.eugenemarillier.com
With love always,
Eugene Marillier 🕊️🌿
